Samuel's Birthday Books

As we all know too well, Samuel's 2nd birthday in heaven is just around the corner. I've been so sad lately, thinking of what we're missing. I miss him so very much <3.

As the day approaches, I've been racking my brain for ways to ask people to celebrate his life. We received so many very special notes, photos, and special things last year. It helped make the day easier.

This past weekend, Bryan and I were talking about what would be special to us this year. Obviously, we'd love more of the same from last year, but we'd also like to give back. We talked about his life. We remembered him together.

And it came to us: books!

We read to Samuel all the time. Every day, several times a day. We'd sit in our rocking chair and read book after book together. Daddy has special books he read to him at night. Books are an important part of his life. I like to imagine him up in heaven with huge bookcases filled to the brim, just for him.

So, to help us remember and celebrate his life this year, we'd like to ask the people who hold Samuel in their hearts to send us a new children's book to donate to our local library. We'll be printing special stickers to go inside the front covers, letting the reader know of his life. On his birthday, April 14th, we'll bring them to our library and spend some time reading in the kids corner. For Samuel <3.

Will you help?

If you have a favorite children's book, send us a copy! We've made a list on Amazon, if you need some ideas.  Click HERE to find it. Any book is great with us. Just be sure it's new and written for young children. If you need our address, you can email me HERE. If you have a special reason for choosing the book you send, please tell us about it! We're hoping to have a great collection to bring them.

Thank you for helping us give back in Samuel's name.

California, Here We Come

A few months ago, Bryan came home to tell me his company was sending him to Las Vegas for an Engineering convention in March. Clearly, there was no way I was going to stay home in the frozen icy tundra while he basked in the sun, so I  informed him I was coming with asked him if I could come .We decided that after our stay in Vegas, we'd rent a car and drive over to California. We've been wanting to take a trip for a while now and this was the perfect opportunity.

Fast forward to today, and we're off to sun and sea! I'm really looking forward to the warm weather. I'm done with this winter. I've never been to either place, so it will be a new adventure for us. We rented a beautiful place in a city called Topanga Canyon with a private pool and hot tub. The photos show gorgeous views of the ocean. I'll be sure to take lots of photos to share. We always try to rent homes instead of hotel rooms because it's more private and a lot of time actually costs less.

Ever since Bryan flew out on the company plane earlier today, I've been very nervous. Now that I know how easily things are taken away, I have this sick feeling that I'll never see him again. And since there is nothing I can do about it, I'm just trying to distract myself until he calls me upon landing. (Yea, grief-based anxiety).

I'm also trepidatious about my flight. I'm very afraid of sitting near a baby/young child. Again, I have no control over that, so I'm just wishing and hoping it doesn't happen. But, If you know me at all, you know things happen to me all the time that are crazy and demand a "seriously??" response. Knowing me, not only will I be sat next to a baby, I'll probably be on the plane filled with mothers going to the  "unfit parents of 2-year-old boys convention." Heaven help everyone on the plane if that happens! (and I won't even have Bryan to console me). I have been giving myself a pep-talk for the last week, just in case I have to face a baby in the seat near me. I can only hope not. (I heard recently that an airline was going to offer a section of "child-free" seats. I would TOTALLY be in those seats!)

For the last few weeks, as I've been planning outfits and packing, I have been so sad that a little suitcase is missing from our luggage. I want to bring Samuel with us and it breaks my heart he isn't coming. There should be a little puppy backpack filled with toys and book and treats for the plane ride. I should be Googling "how to fly with a toddler". But alas, no such Googling or backpacks for us. This is our first vacation without him. (We've taken little trips, but nothing big). I'm so sad that it's not the family trip is should be. I think about the special time we could have had while daddy is at his boring convention (can you imagine: thousands of engineers all in one place? snooze-fest) and I wish life were different. It would have been mama and Samuel time to see all the bright lights, and sights. We could have explored together and it would have been so much fun. Instead, it'll just be me alone while Bryan's working the convention. I'm sad for the things we're missing out on. And I'm sad that I don't get to see my little guy in his swim-shorts and sun hat, slathered in sunscreen, happily carrying his bucket and shovel out to the beach in California. Things, as always, are not as they should be.

Please send some "child-free seats" thoughts my way tonight. And, should I happen to die in a fiery crash, please don't be sad for me. I'll be giving Samuel's cheeks 10 trillion kisses and finally be happy again.