The Difference a Day Makes (29 Days)

My dear friends, we are overwhelmed by support! Honestly, I've been an emotional mess the past few days. The stress of this all, the missing of Samuel, the gratitude for those who have been uplifting us, the crabbiness of packing when I don't want to pack, the feeling of being completely at the mercy of the companies Bryan's applying to, the uncertainty, etc, etc, etc. It's all made for a messy me.

Yesterday, after all that happened, I was just drained. To see people giving to us, when I know it's a tight time for everyone, was like a big warm hug from our friends. Even those who sent notes just to say "I'm thinking of you" made me feel like everything is going to be okay after all this mess.

I guess that's the difference between things like this, and death. Both are huge stresses that uproot your life. But when the dust settles on job loss, you're okay - maybe even better off. When the dust settled and Samuel was gone forever, it was like waking up in hell and knowing there's no way out. We carry his absence with us every single day.

I guess that's why I know that even thought this is a tough time, a scary, uncertain time, we will be okay. It's just a matter of when, where and how.

Last night, just before 5pm, our realtor called. "I have some news, is now a good time?" Uh, those words are triggering for me. I always expect the worse. Always. I mentally began preparing myself for "The deal fell through....no sale" speech. Instead, I learned that it hadn't fell through, BUT closing would have to be pushed into January because of an issue the buyer is having with the sale of their house.

She apologized profusely, and I assured her it was okay, we'd make it work. I'm sure she was expecting me to be upset, but inside, I felt relief. We have a place to stay for Christmas!

We'll have to change the end date of our utilities, and reschedule the moving pods, but who cares? We just got two extra weeks to get things worked out!

I got off the phone and told Bryan. He was relieved too. And now we can actually set up Samuel's Christmas tree!

It's such a relief to know I'll be able to face the emotions of Christmas without Samuel in our very own home. I was so worried about where I'd be and how it would work. When you're a grieving mama, you need to know where your safe-place is at all time. And now I have one for a little bit longer.

We moved all the boxes out of the living room so we can have a "normal" room in the house (and it's the only one without boxes, let me tell you). And today, Christmas things to make it special!

PLUS, Megan just told me we have enough money in the fund to go a long way towards making the extra mortgage payment we'll now have to make since we need to stay on. There are no words. Only tears.

For those who have giving to our fund: THANK YOU! I really feel taken care of. I wish I had the words to say "Thank You" strongly enough. Just know, you've made a difference. You've helped in a HUGE way. And we're so, so appreciative and grateful <3. I hope someday to be able to repay this kindness.

Today is Day 29. And it feels like a huge relief.