Adrian Peterson: babyloss father

I have to say something about this.

This past week, something atrocious happened to one of Bryan's favorite Vikings' players. Adrian Peterson's 2-year old baby boy was beaten to death by the son's mother's boyfriend. (I don't want to know the details, it's too horrible. Google it if you want to know more).

When Bryan told me my heart just broke for this family. What kind of soul-less monster could beat a baby to death?

Another set of parent's have joined this nightmare of a life we live every day: babyloss.

Today, Bryan turned on the game and we were listening to the pregame chatter. There was some guy talking (thankfully for him, I don't know his name otherwise he'd be hearing from me) who was spouting out such utter nonsense I amost threw up right then and there.

Something about how "when life's storms come along we have to stand tall" and something about how "God allows these storms to test our faith" and on and on until I made Bryan shut it off.

Where to begin?!

First, the death of a baby is NEVER just one of "life's storms". This is not something we all have to deal with.  His precious little baby was beaten so severely that he died. I can't think of anything worse to have to process as a parent.

Second, what kind of horrible sadistic god does this man believe in? One who sits by and watches a helpless baby being brutalized so that he can see how strong his parent's faith is? That's no god I want to believe in!

Third, it's this kind of NONSENSE that helps keep society remain backwards in their thinking about babyloss and grief.  It implies that Adrian needs to be "strong" (everyone's favorite thing to say to a grieving person) and not let this "get him down". Let me tell you right now, he doesn't have to "be strong" at all. He has every right on this planet to curl up in a little ball for the next 2 years (or longer, should he so desire).

It also implies that god is part of this. To say that he could have helped but instead allowed it, gives people the space to believe that "it's part of his plan" or that good things will come out of it. ("It's okay his son died because look at how strong his faith will be!") There is NOTHING that could come out of the death of a baby that would make it okay. If I had the choice between saving 2 million people or saving Samuel... Guess what 2 million people? You'd all be dead.

People have said things like this to me. We all remember the worst of the worst I've heard.  Like the card we received that said "I hope you can figure out why God let this happen so you can move on." (If god were in the business of killing babies to teach lessons, then no baby would be born to teen mothers, drug addicts, child abusers, or  any other of the unfit parents who are currently raising their healthy children - you know, the people who need to be taught lessons). There are so many things wrong with that I can't even go there right now. (Needless to say that card was destroyed and thrown away like the trash it was). And no one who has followed our story can forget the whole "God could have saved him but he didn't...that sucks" comment. (The most heartless, arrogant and disgusting words I've ever been told.) I could go on but that's not the point right now.

People want so much to make sense of senseless losses they come up with any explanation they can so they don't have to face the fact that this can and does happen ALL THE TIME TO ANYONE. (Yes, your baby can die and there is nothing you can do about it!) You can't just put a pretty bow on a pile of crap and call it good.

Anytime you hear that someone's baby died and your mind immediatly tries to find the "good" you've already gone down the wrong road. There is NO good that comes from the death of a baby. Period.

If the parents decide to make something good out of the tragedy, that's their choice. It's not an indication that the baby was meant to die or that it's a positive thing. If you go around thinking God allows certain babies to die to bring about greater things in the world, you are stupid. Yes, stupid. (Okay, fine, at the very least you're grossly misinformed). And you believe in a horrible God.

When, will this stop? When will people understand the ONLY right thing to say about the death of a baby is something like: "What a horrible tragedy", "I'm so deeply sorry", or "I'll remember him/her with you for the rest of my life".

Can we all stop with the trying-to-make-it-seem-nicer-than-it-is crap? I just want to shake the whole word by their collective shoulders and scream "stop trying to make light of babyloss!!"

The man's baby was beaten to death.

It's not God trying to teach him something. It's not "one of life's storms". It's his worst nightmare and he will have to face it every day of his life for the rest of his life.

My heart goes out to him as he begins this lifetime of grief. Once the shock wears off, it's going to get ugly.